from: Emmeline Odenkirk III at emmelineodenkirk@gmail.com
to: Ana Vitória Loureiro do Rosário at anavitorialdr@gmail.com

topic: I just fucking can't anymore

Vi dearest I'm so sorry that I'm writing to you like that and in an e-mail out of all things but I'm afraid that regular messaging apps will simply not cut it and the plain white box of an e-mail editor soothes me beyond anything else. That being said, I'm

I don't even know what to tell you right now. How the fuck are there people who have so much privilege that they can simply start rejecting once in a lifetime opportunities like that?! How come that people like me have to work our asses off each and every day for hours for even the tiniest scrap of recognition and appreciation while others get it handed to them and still have the gall, the AUDACITY, to say "no" to it all? This is just proof that there's no justice in the world. It's utterly depressing.

Am I deluding myself, Vi? Am I deluding myself when I think that I can fit in here? Why does it all even bother me so much? I just completely lost it in front of Terrell, what if I'll lose it again in front of someone who doesn't like me like they do and completely blow my cover? Should I just give up? Should I just let everyone know that I'm not Emmeline, that I've never been Emmeline? Maybe everyone is right and scholarship students don't belong here. Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I should just go back to being Kayleigh. Maybe I should leave, but I also can't leave. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. I have nobody else to talk to about this. I'm sorry. 

Yours,
...
just call me whatever 